What is this entity that takes over my mind and body and puts me in flow of creativity?  I am so focused, so single minded, so dedicated, so directed, so determined, so utterly consumed by spending as much time and energy as I'm able to building, to experimenting with materials, with color, with texture---- driven to see what happens, what develops, what results from my actions ... to experience the excitement, the humor, the rewards, the challenges of completing the project to its very end, climax.  To be able to stand there and say, it's finished is a high.  The end justifies the means, yet the means justify the end.  It’s as if I’m caught in a never-ending spiral of creativity, seeking challenges, problems, solutions and, in the end, a coalescing of all my energy into a single material entity— complete and justified in its existence.






With every fiber of my body I throw myself into these endeavors.  It feels good.  It’s fun.  It’s play.  Its instantly gratifying to see the gradual emerging image or images.  Only the material and I participate— no one else is involved.  In success, I am rewarded.  In failure, I quickly move on to the next success.  Bringing the material to life, I want it to express its own "beingness", emerging from it’s tube, jar, bottle or package— wanting to be free to be itself in all its glory— screaming to the world, “Here I am.  See me live.”  “I have a right to exist.  Enjoy my beauty.”






No time to waste.  The clock ticks no matter what I do.  It is constantly moving forward.   My earthly life contains a finite amount— a beginning and an ending.   How I use this commodity is up to me..... no better way to spend it than creating that which was never alive before.  It’s like creating more of me, other lives in many forms that will live on after I’m gone. 






This is not to say that art gives my life purpose.  Quite the contrary, the fact that I’m driven, I have passion and I feel a sense of urgency bubbles together and focuses me on the purpose of the act and process of creating.   I do not need a purpose to feel fulfilled.  Life has no purpose in many respects, and I’m comfortable with that state of mind.  Yet I’m not sure whether purpose comes after or before my artistic processes.  Purpose does, however, give me a tool for prioritizing my energies and available time.  As a closed loop activity, completing a piece of art provides renewed energy to begin another, like a never ending spiral upwards.... energy feeding on energy.  So, in a way, I feel part of that time dimension that has no beginning and no ending.